In This Hole

I can’t think.

Can’t get my thoughts

To stop their frenzied waltz

And line up once again

In a straight pattern,

One after the other,

The way they used to

When everything was still

So goddamned simple.

I can’t fucking think.

If my shattered heart

Beats any faster,

I fear it will escape

The familiar prison of my ribcage,

Take off into oblivion

As I wish I could

Every time I meet

My own pleading eyes

In the reflection cast

By broken mirrors.

Thinking used to hurt

So much less than it does now.

Even my own damn voice

Makes my skin erupt

In waves of gooseflesh;

A rain dance illuminating

How dark and how cold

Self-hatred can become.

The blindingly bright fires

That once warmed my despair

Are hardly pinpricks of light,

Dwindling away the more I drown:

The more my hair swirls

Around my tear-stained face,

The more my hands

Fail to grasp for the rope

That might have saved my life

If it had been thrown

Just a bit sooner.

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